The Voice Blind Auditions Episode 3: Holler If You Hate "Hey There Delilah"

Thoughts on the third episode of The Voice blind auditions coming at you...right after someone revives me because I'm still in shock that there are people who choose "Hey There Delilah." For anything. In Life.

OK, I'm good. Let's do this.

Oooh, mystery! Our first contestant is cloaked in shadows but immediately we know this person has short hair and a high-pitched voice. Our guess? A girl! I'm going to go ahead and say she. She tells us about those darn record labels loving her voice and not loving her look. (So superficial, the music industry! But I do wonder: are there 40 facial piercings lurking in the dark? Yellow eyes? A third nostril?) She hits the stage, face still hidden by the camerawork, with an inoffensive version of Lady Gaga's "You and I." Cee Lo turns around quickly and we get the big reveal: Sarah Golden, a woman with a boy haircut in a button-down shirt. Okaaaaaaay then. Anyways, X-Tina tries to nicely say her voice just wasn't that special, and I agree. Blake barely makes a case to win her over, and she goes with Cee Lo. Lucky her.

Next up, the season's first high school dropout Elley Duhe! The good and bad news is that she definitely sounds like a teenager trying to impersonate Duffy. Alas for Elley, third-rate "Mercy" isn't what the coaches are looking for and they all pass. Blake pulls out the ever-reliable "pitchy" as Elley's main problem.

Pip, no last name, is a clean-cut 19-year-old who shows up in suspenders, a bow tie and red kicks (he's not a hipster, he's just not cool: i.e. if he was on Glee, he and Blaine would be fast friends.) When he actually sings, he's fine, especially if your thing is The Fray or Gavin DeGraw or anything out of that generic pop-rock school. (I'm trying hard not to judge you right now.) Adam's trigger finger hits his button 20 seconds into Pip's "House of the Rising Sun" and all of the other coaches follow suit. Pip chooses Adam, to which I say, "Go with God, Adam."

Erin Willett's dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and she'd like to win this thing for him. She sings a pretty straight-forward take on the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back," which means I have no idea what to make of her personal style or what she'd be like as an artist. X-Tina dares Blake to push his button first, so he does — but then she doesn't! Sabotage? Erin's got a pleasantly powerful voice. Maybe Blake will know which direction to take it.

Football coach David Grace says he doesn't look like the average singer; people usually guess he's a UFC fighter or security. He sings "Sweet Home Alabama" and his voice is a little on the light and slight side. The coaches try and coax one another to push buttons, but no one does.

Katrina Parker, 34, an underwriting administrative assistant, moved to Hollywood from North Carolina with big dreams! But hidden mold in her home has prevented her from singing the last two years. (Ew!) She's got an unusual voice, and I kind of dig it, even if she's not the strongest technician. Adam is the only one smart enough to recognize it despite some issues. Coaches, you all turned around for Pip. Get yourselves together!

Geoff McBride, a married father of three, dedicates his performance to his dad, and it's not a bad tribute at all. He does Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground" some good. Solid if unspectacular, but no one thus far is blowing me away. Like the coaches like to say, I have higher standards this season! After the commercial break he chooses X-Tina. Cee Lo acts bummed, but he's not that bummed. He would have turned his chair around a lot sooner.

I think I already have a problem with Erin Martin, 27, a former model who says she's tired of being judged for her looks! She's made the rounds with the record labels and they all said she needed development. Blind auditions or not, she arrives dressed for the runway, or as she puts it, as an "Egyptian warrior princess." Yes, definitely over her. But hey she kind of sounds like Bjork, only stranger and with less conviction. That would still be alright, but what's this? Bjork meets "Hey There Delilah"? Hell no. That's not fine. "Hey There Delilah" is never fine. I'm out. Oh, and Erin chooses Cee Lo over Blake.

So about James Massone, I don't want to be mean, but he sounds like Justin Bieber's little brother, only like 238 times whinier and with a Baaaah-ston, Massachusetts accent. I can come up with no good explanation for why his lazy take on Drake's "Find Your Love" gets everyone but Adam to turn around. But, you know, good for him. He puts himself on Team Cee Lo, which means at least he's got some taste. Bold prediction: He will be gone no matter who his competition is during the battle rounds.

Winter Rae cleans shoes and serves drinks at the Lucky Strike bowling alley. She's got half a shaved head, blue hair and lots of tattoos -- but guess what? Her favorite song is Mariah Carey's "Hero" and she's besties with Perez Hilton! I don't even know what to say. She chooses the absolute wrong song for herself (Rihanna's "Take A Bow") and none of the coaches push their buttons. Wait, doesn't Perez have his own music label? Why does she even need to do The Voice? This whole segment is confusing me.

Chris Cauley, a 27-year-old from Atlanta, tells us all about how he misses grandma, a bluegrass musician he used to sing with who recently passed away. But Chris actually sings R&B and soul, and his version of Bruno Mars' "Grenade" is slower, smoother and less desperate than the original -- for better or worse, I do not think he'd catch a grenade for ya. I'd listen to him again. He chooses Adam, who appreciates his "consistency" and finishing the song "with grace."

A flurry of people who don't get their own segments: Nathan Parrett goes to Adam, Brian Fuente, to team Blake and Moses Stone, the show's first-ever MC, is drafted by X-Tina.

Last up, Jordis Unga, who like most of tonight's contestants loves her family a lot and who, like poor Winter Rae, also has many tattoos, albeit hers are covered up. She also used to sing in a punk band, so naturally she sings Paul McCartney's "Maybe I'm Amazed" (so badass!) She's as solid as shades-sporting Geoff McBride and everyone's got nice things to say, but since Blake pushed his button first, she goes with him.

In sum, some nice singers, but no one I'm betting on just yet. How about everyone else? Should I relax my expectations? Thoughts on Pip and Erin Martin? Any of you willing to stand up for "Hey There Delilah"?