Summertime, and the living's easy...right? It's petty hard to mess up dressing yourself over the summer months because well, it's warm and you need fewer clothes. Fewer clothes, means fewer chances to be a walking fashion disaster, right?
You'd think that would be the case, but some celebrities have mastered the art of looking like a constant fashion 'Don't' whether it's summer or not. Here's the top ten celebrities that need a serious summer makeover.
Oh, Ke$ha, with your silly $$$ in your name, and that whole 'waking up feeling like P. Diddy' problem you seem to have. Unfortunately, Diddy can dress himself rather well, and you seem to look like you've slept in your clothes, and just keep piling more on. Check out one of Ke$ha's latest looks here. The Tik Tok singer seems to have a problem with the whole 'less is more' theory of fashion. Sure, the layered look can work with clothes normal people would wear like, tanks, tees and jeans, but when you try to throw trucker, drag queen, and hippie all on one person, it looks a bit...well...horrible is the word that comes to mind.
Our next victim is our beloved pickle lovin' Snookers, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi from MTV's Jersey Shore. Armed with a teased pouf of Morticia Adams black hair, and an orange glow only George Hamilton could envy, the pint-sized guidette also favors teeny tiny tube dresses, and short shorts. Check out Snooki rockin' the pouf here. If you've seen Snooki's senior pic from a few years ago, she's a very pretty girl and doesn't need all of that "stuff" to enhance her look. If anything, over doing it tends to make her look short and dumpy. But girlfriend doesn't care, if there's one thing she has, it's confidence so good luck convincing her that Oompa Loompa fashion isn't the way to go!
Remember when, like ten years ago or so, Courtney Love cleaned up? It was after her critically acclaimed role in The People vs. Larry Flynt and she showed up to an awards show looking gorgeous? After five years of kabuki makeup, bleached out ratty hair, and old baby doll dresses? Yeah wave goodbye with me, because now she looks like this. Kind of like Cruella Deville was attacked by glitter fairies and left to air dry near a swamp or something. I get that she's an "artist" and supposed to be a little odd, but she was just as much of an artist not dressed like she's homeless.
After the Fourth of July, I called her and asked for my grandma's pants back, because one, Mischa should NOT be wearing these, and two...Nana looks better in them anyway. Mischa's been out of the limelight since The O.C. wrapped up production, what was it...five years ago? Remember Mischa then? Yikes, she's gone from that to stealing clothes out of the hamper at Shady Pines Rest Home. We need to get her some sun, and a sundress, stat.
5. Miley Cyrus
Oh Miley, Miley, Miley! If it's not some kind of stripper costume/dominatrix thing onstage, it's something horrendous in everyday life! Head to Walmart and buy some Hannah Montana merchandise, that's actually better than the things you've been wearing this summer. I get it, you're 17 and it's "cool" to have your naughties hanging out of a pair of Daisy Dukes, but it makes most of us uncomfortable. A 3.5" inseam will not kill you. It will keep your bum warm.
It's not just the ladies that have issues in the fashion department this summer, even dudes have trouble getting it together too. Like Mickey Rourke. Now, he's never been...um...stylish? But with his career resuscitation in full swing, maybe he can put the 'Samurai Warrior goes to the beach' thing to rest and maybe try a pair of chinos and a shirt. Check out one of Mickey's latest disasters here...what is that supposed to be? Who knew a shark skin suit with lizard lapels was so...um...whaaaat? Who even sewed that and thought it was a good idea? Regular guys have a hard enough time dressing themselves, but famous guys have people dressing them for work. You'd think a thing or two would rub off, right?
Since I'm not done picking on the dudes yet, let's have a go at Nicolas Cage for a minute. He showed up to the premiere of his latest movie Sorcerer's Apprentice in a crushed velvet blazer. In July... Crushed. Velvet. See for yourself, here... Just a little shower and shave, and maybe oh...something from Armani and not raiding the wardrobe closet at Disney?
8. Amber Rose
Nobody even knew who Amber Rose was before she became Kanye West's girlfriend, and then Kanye's ex. I'm still not quite sure who she is (her website is a .org, so I'm assuming she's into canned food drives or something), but she seems to pop up all over the place wearing something awful from head to toe. Like this. She seems like a pretty girl, maybe less spandex unitards and more cotton blend separates? Maybe start out slow with one day a week, and before you know it, the spandex will be gone.
9. Lady Gaga
Ok we get it, you're an 'artiste' and want to wear Kermit the Frog dresses or the Planet Saturn on your head. But why oh why show up to a New York Mets game looking like the lost love child of 1983 Madonna and Bruce Springsteen? Are you less of an 'artiste' if you just wear a jersey and some shorts? But no, as we all remember, our beloved Lady Gaga showed up to the ball park in what everyone thinks of when heading to a baseball game...a black bra and panties topped with an over sized bomber jacket. Accessorized with Ferris Bueller's Ray Bans, and a headband only Ralph Macchio as the Karate Kid could love, Gaga reminded us why the 80s were not a high point in fashion.
10. Taylor Momsen
Remember how cute she was in the Grinch? Now she looks like something out of one of my Ambien nightmares. I'm about to start calling her "Courtney Love Jr." because it seems like I'm having 1995 Hole "Live Through This" flashbacks. Taylor's a rockstar, people! See? I love how she gets all defensive and screams about how "edgy" and artsy fartsy she is with the wearing of granny's slip and thigh highs all over the place. And isn't she only like, 16? What kind of parents let their kid run around town in undies? Sadly, this look has been done before, like over the last three decades beginning with Madonna. Too bad Taylor isn't being 'edgy', she's being tired.
So there you have it. All of the celebrities we need to load in to a bus and drive to American Eagle for some cargo shorts, polos, and flip flops. Because anything is better than what they're wearing now!
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