MTV has denied reports that it's replacing the current cast of "Jersey Shore," but the music television network might have to find some fresh meathead meat anyway. Late last month Vinny Guadagnino left the house in a huff, and sources say that he's unlikely to return as he feels "burned out" and "homesick."
It also looks like The Situation isn't happy with his situation the Shore -- he temporarily left the house after expressing his frustration with the show. He's currently back with his castmates, but since he's reportedly been telling producers that he doesn't need the show, there's a possibility that he could also be leaving for good (considering how much the cast makes, it's surprising that they all haven't gone into early retirement -- then again, they're probably all going to need plenty of cash to pay for future skin cancer treatments and child support payments).
It would probably be a lot cheaper for the "Jersey Shore" producers to ditch this cast and sign on some cheaper "talent," especially since so many of the "Shore" stars already have spinoffs in the works -- the Sitch has inked a deal with MTV for a series that will feature " plenty of what made him famous" on "Jersey Shore" (so in other words, he'll be doing nothing). Jwoww and Snooki are set to star on a series that will focus on them living together, while Pauly D has signed on for an "Entourage"-style reality show that follows his life as a DJ. So won't viewers get sick of seeing the "Jersey Shore" cast take up hours of MTV programming with all of their projects? With two members wanting out of the house, why doesn't MTV simply find a way to get the rest of the cast out of the "Jersey Shore" house so that fresh faces can move in?
Extricating Pauly D would be easy enough -- producers could just tell him that they're adding his crazy stalker Danielle to the cast. And as far as Snook goes, she'll probably be depressed and craving pickles now that Vinny's gone, so perhaps a ban on cucumbers and hair spray would be enough to make her go away. Deena Cortese is really little more than Snook's shadow, so she'd simply follow her pal (and pray that she can get in on her show with Jwoww). Jenni Farley would then be left alone in the house with not-so-sweet biatch Sammi Giancola and Ronnie Magro, the Cro-Magnon macho man. Within a few moments of being left with those two, she would be out. Then all MTV would have to do is pay some hot guerilla guy with a heart of gold to woo Sammi and sit back and watch as Ron turns into the Incredible Orange Hulk (really, those two should have been kicked off long ago because of their violent relationship).
Or the producers could replace the girls' birth control pills with sugar pills and stop handing out condoms like candy in order to get a few more incredibly crazy shows before the cast goes. They could also tell the cast they need to set a better example by banning bringing girls and guys home to the smoosh room. Producers might also enjoy forcing the cast members to live wild, Bear Grylls-style, by banning GTL and watching them act like they're in an apocalyptic hell.
Or they could simply refuse to pay the "Jersey Shore" cast a ridiculous amount of money for partying, destroying their skin, putting themselves at risk for STDs, and trying to become alcoholics. It's so crazy that it just might work!
More From This Contributor:
Note: This was written by a Yahoo! contributor. Join the Yahoo! Contributor Network here to start publishing your own articles.
- Sammi Giancola
- hair spray
- in the house