2 minutes ago 2009-11-30T08:18:22-08:00
Simon Cowell arrives at the 17th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation's Academy Award Viewing Party held at the Pacific Design Center on February 22, 2009 in Hollywood, CaliforniaGetty ImagesAccess Hollywood
LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Simon Cowell may appear confident as he sits behind the judge's booth on "American Idol," but he revealed he has some very dark times.
In a letter to his "shallow, reckless, cocky younger self," to celebrate his upcoming 50th birthday on October 7, Simon revealed he suffers from "black moods."
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"Sometimes, when friends are over, you want to ask them to leave. You get hit by black moods and you want to be alone," he writes in the letter, printed in the U.K.'s Daily Mail on Monday.
Simon addresses the success and failures of his younger years in the lengthy note, but his revelations on his life now and the lessons he has learned, provide insight into the famed judge's personal life.
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Among the revelations? Simon wrote he has "no regrets" about being a bachelor at 50.
"You never married, but you have no regrets about that," he wrote. "Family life would be a problem now. You almost never stop working, or thinking about work."
And a lesson many learned during the current global financial crisis, but one Simon learned years ago when he lost everything, "Carrying a debt is a much bigger burden than having nothing."
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Another tidbit Simon gleaned from his 50 years? "Friendship is important," he wrote, noting he is still close friends with three of his ex-girlfriends.
Despite a report in the U.K.'s Mirror over the weekend that Simon is negotiating a deal worth $103 million to bring his "X-Factor" television show to America, Simon revealed he remains insecure about being on television.
"Sometimes you wonder how much longer you will stay on television because you don't ever want to be unwelcome," he wrote. "In life, you have always insisted that you had an invitation to the party and you feel the same way about being on TV. You need to feel you are welcome into people's homes, not somehow forcing your way in. If you feel that is happening, you will be off, gone."
To read all of Simon's lengthy letter, click HERE.
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MORE ACCESS ON THESE TOPICS: Simon Cowell - American Idol - Reality TV - Celebrities - TV
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delymwho care's..................................?report abuseposted September 29, 2009 9:00 AM PDT
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Aguslee1968do i worried like?report abuseposted September 29, 2009 6:20 AM PDT
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abominated...And Paula, where are you Paola!!!report abuseposted September 29, 2009 2:34 AM PDT
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Alan Fagreeee. ur work is more importatant then a lame famiuly.. hs smaet. whle i may not like him hes pretty smart. work over family anyday.. that simple. work is wat keeps us alive and going.. family eill only bring us down..... whoever disagreessss u can get wastd and jump of a roof.. u suck.... life isnt roses. its in ur face. im 23.. faced depresson since 15 and im not dea d so yea.. booyah!!!!report abuseposted September 28, 2009 11:17 PM PDT
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melody_zzzzzzz I am a sexy black woman with perfect sexy stature. ======= I am eager for a good man like Odom online. ===========All can view my crazy hot photos at ========= A f r o M i n g l e . c O m ===== by searching "melody0099" which is for men to meet big black women, chat adults online.....zzzzzzz...zzzzreport abuseposted September 28, 2009 10:01 PM PDT
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StephanieLady*Lei-------Simon and Randy called Anoop "dog" because it was like Snoop Dog! Dumba$$!!!!report abuseposted September 28, 2009 9:07 PM PDT
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God you guys are rude!!!He was depressed!report abuseposted September 28, 2009 8:27 PM PDT
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Randy LWhy do people think this square head is sexy? Yuck!report abuseposted September 28, 2009 7:05 PM PDT
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anahe hasn't explained his ugly tshirtsreport abuseposted September 28, 2009 7:01 PM PDT
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