After reliving the highs and lows of "The Real Housewives of New York" city during the supersized second half of the reunion (though it finally occurred to me with two 90-minute installments of this thing, Bravo still managed to make it last three hours), now that it's over, I feel like I've emerged from a 15-week haze. I somehow feel lighter and brighter. Ah - who am I kidding? The pinot grigio probably just wore off.
And so, we picked up where we left off last week under a barrage of insults, passive aggressive digs and a near-walk-out by Jill Zarin. Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is ticked at Ramona Singer for her constant knocks on her parenting and disappointed in Sonja Morgan for not defending her. Ramona has an answer for everything, including why she wouldn't do Countess LuAnn's music video. Poor Avery is the scapegoat for this one and Andy Cohen tries to discern why a music video is so different from what she does on the show. Well, because a music video might wind up on YouTube. What? Ramona must be dipping into Cuckoo Kelly Bensimon's bag of jellybeans, because she's making zero sense. She further chases her tail when Countess LuAnn wants to know why Ramona would invite Avery to Sonja's burlesque party where there'd be alcohol and tassles as far as the eye could see.
Most viewers want to know when Countess LuAnn became so condescending (I pinpoint it during Season Two when she instructed the pizza man to refer to her as Countess). Not to mention how confrontational she was during the season. Countess LuAnn chalks it up to defending herself against the attacks (drink!) from her fellow Housewives, except for Jill, who's always sticking up for her. And what's up with that, you wonder? According to Alex McCord, Jill's got a whole Zarin Fabrics warehouse full of dirt on Countess LuAnn. I doubt that, but you do kind of have to wonder why those two are as thick as thieves. Except, Jill does turn on her BFF a bit and says she's full of herself and gives mean digs. And is passive aggressive. Countess LuAnn calls it having fun. Alex calls it needing a refresher course in that dirty word "class." I have to say, I don't get why Alex has hives about the word. Of course, I don't get why she has hives over 90 percent of the things that go on.
Jill wants us to know even though she says mean things, she's not a mean person. She's just blunt. And her feud with Bethenny Frankel taught her not to hold grudges. Except against Alex, but that's another article for another day. Viewers are still holding out hope that Laverne and Shirley will reunite for more hilarity one day. Jill shares she and the Skinnygirl have communicated and that she hopes the relationship continues to improve. Don't we all.
Once and for all, do we think Ramona has a drinking problem? No more than any other Housewife in any other city. Does no one remember Kim Zolciak showing up to Cynthia Bailey's wedding with her own bottle of wine? Of course, considering how broke Cynthia was at the time, that probably wasn't a bad move. Ramona claims she only drinks with dinner, but we know that's not true. Ramona's low blow of the night was directed at Jill (who else?) when she "outed" Jill for attending an AA meeting a few years ago. Jill claims it was in support of a friend and besides, did Ramona forget the second "A" stands for Anonymous? It seems much of the basis for Ramona being an alcoholic rests upon her mangling words, but she does that when she's sober.
Simon Van Kempen managed to wedge himself quite nicely into the conversation and he wasn't even on the couch. Alex claims to see about 90 percent of what Simon tweets and has no idea what the Housewives mean when they say he's a mean tweeter. She also doesn't know what it meant when Simon told Jill to "watch out," sputtering when pressed to explain her husband's choice of words. At the end of this little exchange, Jill and Alex agreed they just can't get along.
The tired, non-event that was Morocco had to be rehashed. "Ramonja" had to defend themselves against being tacky Americans and Countess LuAnn, that "R.A. of the Riad" admitted that yes, sometimes she is bossy. Gee. Shocker. But the biggest bombshell? No, not that Alex is a bad actress, so says the cuckoo bird, but that the whole reason Alex went along with Cuckoo Kelly's blink therapy was because she wanted to avoid Scary Island. Wait '" what? Yes, the whole reason Alex made herself look like a hyperactive child who needed a timeout provided by Cuckoo Kelly was because she was afraid if she didn't, the cuckoo bird might fly out of the nest. Yea, I think she's dipping into the jelly beans right along with Ramona.
We wound up the night with random questions from viewers. Yes, Alex is finally wearing a bra. Everyone is happy for Bethenny's success. Except, Countess LuAnn wouldn't dare put her financial status in the same league with the rest of them. Always with the dig. Oh, and Countess LuAnn is older than Jacques. And they'll be joining the Count in Paris for dinner. Andy Cohen wants to know if the Count is over his aversion to Jews (Countess LuAnn had revealed how aghast the Count would be over the notion of her dating a Jew). Cindy has no idea what they're talking about. As usual.
And so, we put a pin in this edition of "The Real Housewives of New York City." Will this cast be back to tell another tale or will Bravo go back to the drawing board as Neil Patrick Harris suggested? Time will tell. In the meantime, onward to "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!"
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