"I would rather swim in pee than plan my wedding to her." - ABCBentley "I'm Just Not Feeling It" Williams fed Ashley Hebert enough empty lines to make her fall for him -- and hard. But then, on Monday's edition of "The Bachelorette," Williams stepped down from his devious strategy to win the final rose: he abruptly left the show, pinning his change of heart on missing his young daughter.
"I'm not leaving because of my daughter," he smirked to the camera before breaking the news to a distraught Hebert and his Ashley-obsessed rivals. They believed every word.
Stunningling, Hebert admitted she had FALLEN IN LOVE with Williams after knowing him for, like, a week. Little did she realize, Williams talked some vicious smack behind her back. "Your daughter has your heart but you have mine. I don't know if this is going to work for me now," she blubbered to Williams, who pretended to console her. "In the end, I picture you there."
Come on, Ashley, OPEN YOUR EYES: he's a snake-oil salesman! A con man! A borderline sociopath! Then we straddled the seemingly devoted single dad, begging him not to go. Then we pulled out our hair, and mulled whether to forget this chick and turn the channel to "Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern" or whatever else is on TV on Mondays.
(Sidenote: let's take a moment to mention Hebert's blind apathy thus far toward J.P., construction manager and Joseph Gordon-Levitt lookalike, who is far foxier than Williams, in every way imaginable. As our mother would say, "He's right under her nose.")
What's the real reason Williams got outta dodge? His disappointment that Emily Maynard did not become "The Bachelorette," as he expected; you'll recall that Brad Womack picked the single mom from North Carolina to be his fiancee last season on "The Bachelor." Cue the alternate casting. (That's a sore subject for Hebert. See: her teary reaction after contestant William mock-complained about Maynard's absence during a "roast" of the perky dentist in Vegas.)
"She's such a standout," Williams gushed about Maynard, who likely rolled her eyes while watching last night. "She's so breathtakingly beautiful that Ashley looks like an ugly duckling to me."
However, he told producers, Hebert is "the type of girl that I would totally hook up with now and then."
And with that klassy aside, he was gone -- but not forever.
"I can tell you that from the bottom of my heart, I don't remember ever feeling this depth of hurt and embarrassment," Hebert says in her People.com blog. "Unfortunately, it's not the last you will see of Bentley."