Mr. and Mrs. Mooch. - David Hardenberg/Getty ImagesSo Kevin Federline is telling Us Weekly he desires to marry his girlfriend of two years, Victoria Prince, who is carrying his fifth child.

"No wedding is in the works at all," he says, adding: "I do want to get married. But I will wait until I have the courage to propose."

Let's be real. The line "I will wait until I have the courage to propose" is a bunch of crap; translated, it means "never."

Here's the dirty little secret: if K-Fed marries Prince, he loses his monthly spousal support paycheck from ex-wife Britney Spears, his sole source of income. He gets $20,000 a month until death or remarriage, in addition to $15K in child support. So it's all about the money, and K-Fed -- and his third baby mama -- likely have no problem mooching off the pop superstar as they live happily ever after.

Try to remain calm, but Prince Harry is stranded in the Arctic right now.

Yes, according to a royal aide, Harry -- who just completed a portion of a 200-mile trek with other servicemen for charity -- has seen his departure get "delayed" as a result of "damage to the runway."

"It will be at least 24, maybe 48, hours until he can get in the air and make his way back to England," the aide told UsMagazine.com. "But he's taking it all in his stride. It's just more time on the trek for him. He's cool about it."

The red-haired prince will spend an extra day "trekking" with the group and he will return to Borneo tonight to await the next available flight.

While this is likely an inconvenience for Harry, it's great news for the rest of the world -- all with grand hopes of becoming the next Kate Middleton -- who are no doubt booking immediate flights to the Arctic in hopes of ensnaring a stranded prince with nowhere to run or hide.

"Hell no." - Dominique Charriau/WireImage"Pretty pleeeeease?" - Daniel Boczarski/Getty ImagesWell, this is slightly horrifying: Charlie Sheen aspires to make Mila Kunis one of his goddesses.

(In your dreams, Chuckles.)

"Here's the good news -- my goddesses have already f---ing approved her. She's pre-approved!" Sheen declared during Wednesday night's tour stop in Columbus, Ohio. "I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila f---ing Kunis: If Mila Kunis is stealing your s--t, trust me, you're still f---ing winning, you're still winning at that moment."

"I'm going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes ... I'm going to buy them all and then she can come steal them," said Sheen, continuing his creepy rant. "A super f---ing hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we have a warehouse full of your favorite s--t to steal."

Remember when Sheen joined Twitter and began following "Modern Family" actress Sarah Hyland, thereby freaking her out? This is like that, except Kunis -- a laid-back, "whatever" type -- is probably laughing it off,

All your favorite TV stars are expanding their families this week!

In addition to the exciting Tina Fey news, "Law & Order: SVU" star Mariska Hargitay, and husband Peter Hermann, have announced they've adopted a baby girl.

People reports that the girl, Amaya Josephine, was born about a week ago in the United States. Hargitay and Herman also have a four-year-old son, August.

"I'm deliriously happy," Hargitay told the magazine. "From the minute she was born, she was just surprisingly alert and so full of love. We were considering both international and domestic adoption and we're thrilled that this is the way our prayers were answered. We talked a lot about mixed-race adoptions, and we are very excited that we are now a multi-racial family. We're just so happy she's here."

And then there's this adorable quote about August's reaction to his new sister:

"He is over the moon," Hargitay said. "He calls her his baby because he says the whole thing was his idea. He always talks about how he's

She knows how to keep a secret. - Lester Cohen/WireImageHappy news: Tina Fey says she's expecting her second child. The "30 Rock" star let it slip during a taped appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," while promoting her new book "Bossypants." The episode airs this coming Tuesday.

Fey, who's five months along, is already mother to daughter Alice, 5, with husband Jeff Richmond. (Fun fact: Alice is the genius responsible for the now-classic line "I want to go to there," which was later uttered by Liz Lemon). In a recent essay in The New Yorker, the 40-year-old debut author deliberated on whether to have another child or focus on her career because the clock is ticking on both.

With typical self-deprecation, she described herself as a woman "who is in her 'last five minutes.' By that I mean my last five minutes of being famous is timing out to be simultaneous with my last five minutes of being able to have a baby."

This week, Fey's co-star Alec Baldwin dropped another bombshell that "30 Rock" is ending next season. "Our contracts are

Hilton under fire. - Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty ImagesLindsay Lohan, ever the trendsetter.

On the heels of Lohan's legal mess revolving around her alleged theft of a $2,500 necklace, now Paris Hilton is in hot water for a similar purported transgression.

Hilton is being sued by a Munich-based insurance company which is claiming that an Italian jeweler loaned her more than $60,000 of jewels in 2007... which she never returned.

As you may remember, Hilton was robbed by the "Hollywood Bling Ring" back in 2008, and the valuables in question were among the stolen spoils, but the complaint posits that everything was returned to Hilton the following year. According to the plaintiff, she has ignored repeated requests to return the items.

Hilton's team dismissed the accusation.

"We only just received the complaint but it is clear that it is not based on fact," a rep for Hilton told E! News. "Among other things, nobody from the Hilton team ever told the insurance company that the Damiani items that were stolen were returned. We are not aware of any

America's Not-Sweetheart. - Jason Merritt/Getty ImagesDo you absolutely loathe January Jones? Then you are not alone, my friend. It seems like everyone despises the "Mad Men" ice queen, or at least confuses her with frustrated housewife TV Betty Draper. Jones insists that, contrary to popular belief, she's not as miserable and moody as she appears.

"Everybody writes that they think I'm so unhappy," JJ complains in the May issue of Marie Claire U.K. (via Fashion Etc). "(I'm) not at all (unhappy). I'm in my own head. I'm doing things. Keeping things interesting."

Although she briefly dated Jason "Laying the Groundwork" Sudeikis, she would rather be single than in a dead-end fling.

"I don't like living with other people, and I don't mind being alone," she says. "I don't like having an entourage of people around me. I have a select group of friends who I hang out with ... I just don't really have a lot of time or energy to put into a relationship where nothing's going to happen."

That is both A) a fairly decent rationale for

Efron at a Lakers game last week. - Noel Vasquez/Getty ImagesThe mustache Zac Efron has been sporting as of late? It's not for a movie role, or the byproduct of any break-up-related acting out. Nope, according to Just Jared Jr., Efron is growing out the 'stache in anticipation of the mid-April Coachella Music Festival, which he attended last year with girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens.

There is something sort of endearing about Efron apparently trying to "fit in" by growing out some hipster-y facial hair. But it's also definitely weird: it's like if someone grew out a mullet before a country music festival, or all of a sudden decided to attempt bangs for New York Fashion Week.

Zac, we'd advise you to take the message of your "High School Musical" trilogy to heart: don't try to be anyone other than yourself (at least, we assume that's the message of those movies).