"I would rather swim in pee than plan my wedding to her." - ABCBentley "I'm Just Not Feeling It" Williams fed Ashley Hebert enough empty lines to make her fall for him -- and hard. But then, on Monday's edition of "The Bachelorette," Williams stepped down from his devious strategy to win the final rose: he abruptly left the show, pinning his change of heart on missing his young daughter.

"I'm not leaving because of my daughter," he smirked to the camera before breaking the news to a distraught Hebert and his Ashley-obsessed rivals. They believed every word.

Stunningling, Hebert admitted she had FALLEN IN LOVE with Williams after knowing him for, like, a week. Little did she realize, Williams talked some vicious smack behind her back. "Your daughter has your heart but you have mine. I don't know if this is going to work for me now," she blubbered to Williams, who pretended to console her. "In the end, I picture you there."

Come on, Ashley, OPEN YOUR EYES: he's a snake-oil salesman! A con man! A borderline sociopath! Then we straddled the seemingly

Anderson Cooper has been picking on some easy targets as of late. After recently going after Snooki, Cooper's latest pop cultural target is Paris Hilton.

Cooper took time on his show last night to add, tongue firmly planted in cheek, "People Who Criticize Paris Hilton" to his RidicuList. The segment is amusing, sure, and it's hard to take issue with Cooper's argument, but at this point taking on Paris Hilton's antics is sort of like shooting a sitting duck, no?

Simpson heads to New Haven. - Getty ImagesIn addition to the same name, there's something else Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba share: significant others who went to Yale.

And it turns out that Simpson's fiance, Eric Johnson, and Alba's husband, Cash Warren, graduated from the New Haven university at the same time, which meant the two both returned to Connecticut this weekend for their reunion.

Because the Law of Celebrities mandates that they band together if they are in the same vicinity among non-Celebrities, the two couples joined forces and toured the campus together, resulting in quite the photo op. (Simpson was wearing red Daisy Dukes, while Alba looked like she was going for "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" chic.)

Indicating the two women don't exactly have the same sensibilities, however, Alba tweeted a picture of her posing with Yale security guards, while Simpson posted a picture of her splayed out on the Yale football field.

Hudson out in Malibu on Saturday. - Steve Granitz/WireImageIf you felt this tinge of loneliness yesterday afternoon, like you were missing out on something really fun, it was probably because, at a "Spanish-style" Malibu ranch in California, Kate Hudson was celebrating her baby shower with 80 beautiful friends, and you weren't there.

Who was there? Rachel Zoe, Courteney Cox, Nicole Richie, Jessica Capshaw, Sara Foster ("90210") and Jennifer Meyer (a.k.a. Mrs. Tobey Maguire), among others.

Hudson hasn't revealed the gender of her future child, so guests brought her "gender neutral" baby items (which means they were mostly green and yellow, reportedly).

The family-friendly party (Nicole Richie was seen running around with her kids) was also described as "hilarious" and involved "baby shower games."

"The best one was where people tried to guess what Kate and Matthew should name the baby," the source says. "It was hilarious and got a lot of laughs out of everyone! It was such a fun party -- and people stayed for hours."

We will take the

As you can see here, this smiley face is somewhat sinister. Chris Brown's girlfriend, Karrueche, tweeted the photo of the singer sporting the upper back ink, the latest installment of his tattoo collection. Brown has already inked his arms, and part of his chest.

After the horrific Rihanna beating, and the "Good Morning America" freakout, it's pretty much a given that Brown has ditched his previous squeaky-clean image for good. The tattoos might be an extension of his rebellion, anger, self-loathing, whatever. So far he has not added any strategically placed sexy dolphins, which are far creepier than demonic smiley faces.

Colin Firth: "scientific ambassador"? - Stephen Lovekin/Getty ImagesAs if Colin Firth weren't dreamy enough -- what with his Academy Award and Mr. Darcy-ness and his accent -- he has to go and co-author a published neuroscience paper.

Yes, Firth is one of four authors on a Current Biology report, which he commissioned after guest editing a segment on a radio program in December. The research looked at the brains of politicians to see if there was any difference between the brains of liberals and conservatives. (The answer: there is.)

A NYU professor told Psychologist magazine, "It is a useful contribution because it builds on and extends previous work... It will probably be several years before we understand the full meaning of these results. In the meantime, the field of political neuroscience could do worse than having Colin Firth as a scientific ambassador."

Perhaps not quite as sexy as revealing to the world you can speak fluent French, but unexpected and impressive nevertheless.

Whooping it up at a polo match on Sunday. - Indigo/Getty ImagesAttention, Harry Hunters: the Gingered Prince of Your Fantasies may one day be yours. One day. His on-again, off-again, what-the-hell-are-they relationship with Chelsy Davy has hit a rough patch, the Daily Mail reports. This past weekend, Davy went on holiday in Ibiza -- this sentence is clearly meant to be read in a posh British accent (ours comes out Cockney) -- and someone overheard her saying she's "young, free and single."

Meanwhile, Prince Harry is allegedly eager to settle down with the 25-year-old law student. He faces skepticism on Davy's part: she feels jealous of other women vying for his attention, as well as pressured by "the lifestyle of a Royal girlfriend."

That makes sense. Nothing about Davy screams "cookie cutter," or "traditional." The Zimbabwe-born blonde seems to relish her independence, and is frequently photographed looking as if she just rolled right out of bed. It's obvious she rather be a Sexy Pippa than a Duchess Kate, who can't risk making one single

The Middleton sisters are in very different places in their lives right now. While Pippa is partying and gallivanting around town, chased by paparazzi wherever she goes, Kate is gearing up for life as a royal (including a move to Kensington Palace).

This weekend, the sisters both did their own thing, though both did so in flashy Miiddleton fashion.

Kate. - Dave M. Benett/Getty ImagesPippa. - Chris Brunskill/Getty Images 

Pippa completed a triathlon on Sunday, which she somehow finished while still looking fresh-faced and chipper.

Meanwhile, Kate attended Derby Day in a cream-colored outfit, alongside husband William and brother-in-law Harry (both donning amusing top hats), as well as the Queen.

So are you a Pippa or a Kate? Would your dream weekend include a triathlon under the sun or a formal, dressy affair involving a fascinator? Would your dream night involve cocktails and club music or staying in with a bottle of wine? And so on...